Ok, some of these are pretty funny …
1. I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day.

2. Nice legs…what time do they open?

3. Do you work for UPS? I thought I saw you checking out my package.
4. You’ve got 206 bones in your body. Want one more?

5. Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?

6. I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I’m the only one talking to you.

7. I’m a bird watcher and I’m looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher. Have you seen one?

8. I’m fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.

9. Wanna play army? I’ll lay down and you can blow the hell outta me.

10. I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Superdrug, so I could ride you all day long for a quarter.

11. Oh, I’m sorry, I thought that was a Braille name tag.

12. I’d really like to see how you look when I’m naked.

13. Is that a ladder in your stockings or the stairway to heaven?

14. You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

15. Are those real?

16. You must be the limp doctor because I’ve got a stiffy.

17. I’d walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for that thing you do with your tongue.

18. If it’s true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.

19. (Look down at your crotch) Well it’s not just going to suck itself.

20. You know, if I were you, I’d have sex with me.

21. You. Me. Whipped cream. Handcuffs. Any questions?

22. Forgive me if I’m wrong, but is your name Sherry Titsbottom?

23. Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor.

24. My name is (name)…remember that, you’ll be screaming it later.

25. Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?

26. Hi, I’m Mr. Right. someone said you were looking for me.

27. My friend wants to know if YOU think I’M cute.
28. Hi. The voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.

29. My name isn’t Elmo, but you can tickle me anytime you want to.

30. I know milk does a body good, but DAMN, how much have you been drinking?

31. If you were the last woman and I was the last man on earth, I bet we could do it in public.

32. Wanna come over for some pizza and sex? No? Why? Don’t you like pizza?

33. Baby, I’m an American Express lover – you shouldn’t go home without me.

34. Do you sleep on your stomach? Can I???

35. Do you wash your pants in Windex? Because I can see myself in them.

36. I lost my puppy. Can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.

38. (Lick finger and wipe on her shirt) Let’s get you out of these wet clothes.

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This guy was lonely, and decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So, he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede, which came in a little white box for a house. He took the box back home, found a good location for it, and decided he would start by taking his new pet to the bar for a drink.

So the man asked the centipede in the box, “Would you like to go to Frank’s with me and have a beer?” But there was no answer from his new pet. The man waited a few minutes and, desperate for a response, he asked the centipede again, “How about going to the bar and having a drink with me?” But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more.

The man decided to ask the centipede one more time, this time pressing his face against the centipede’s house and shouting, “Hey, in there! Would you like to go to Frank’s place and have a drink with me?”

Finally, came a little voice from inside the box, “I heard you the first time! I’m putting on my fucking shoes!”

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A drunk is sitting on the street curb in front of a bar. A stranger comes buy and asks if he’s O.K.
The drunk replies by asking, “Do you know who I am?”

The stranger says “No. Who are you?”

The drunk proudly says “I’m Jesus Christ… and I can prove it! Come with me!”

They enter the bar and the bartender looks up and yells “Jesus Christ! Are you here again?”

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