clean animal jokes, Joke of the Day
A lady is walking down the street to work and she sees a parrot in a pet store. The parrot says to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.” Well, the lady is furious! And she storms past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot in the window and the parrot said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.” Well, she was incredibly ticked now. The next day see saw the same parrot and the parrot said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.” The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager said, “That’s not good.” and promised he wouldn’t say it again. When the lady walked past the store after work the parrot said to her, “Hey lady.” She paused and said, “Yes?” and the bird said, “You know.”
This penguin was having car problems, so he pulled his car into the garage for a check-up. The mechanic points at the restaurant across the street and says, “Go over there and get a bite to eat, and I’ll take a look.” The penguin does exactly as he says.
After a while he waddles back, and the mechanic is looking under the hood. The penguin asks him if he’s been able to figure out what went wrong. The mechanic glances over his shoulder and says, “It looks like you blew a seal.”
The penguin quickly wipes his mouth and says, “Oh, no, no –That’s just tartar sauce.”
After a hard day at the office, three guys decide to go out for a cocktail to wind down. The bar becomes very crowded, a few drinks turns into many and soon everyone is tanked. All three lose track of each other and end up going home separately.
The next day at the office, the three gather by the watercooler to discuss the past evenings events. The first guy says, “I got so drunk last night that I went home and blew chunks.” The second guy pipes in, “That’s nothing. I got so drunk that I got in my car and drove it right into a telephone pole. Totaled it. I didn’t get hurt but now I have no car.” The third guy says, “Well, I got so drunk that when I got home, I cussed my girlfriend out and knocked over a candle which lit the apartment on fire. She dumped me, all my belongings are destroyed and the home insurance won’t cover the damage.”
The first guy motions the two to come closer and whispers, “I’m not sure you understand. Chunks is my dog.”