A man walks into a bar one day and asks, “Does anyone here own that rottweiler outside?”"Yeah, I do!” a biker says, standing up. “What about it?”"Well, I think my chihuahua just killed him…”"What are you talkin’ about?!” the biker says, disbelievingly. “How could your little runt kill my rottweiler?”"Well, it seems he got stuck in your dog’s throat!”

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A preacher is buying a parrot.”Are you sure it doesn’t scream, yell, or swear?” asked the preacher.”Oh absolutely. It’s a religious parrot,” the storekeeper assures him.”Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lord’s prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm.”"Wonderful!” says the preacher, “but what happens if you pull both strings?”"I fall off my perch, you stupid fool!” screeched the parrot.

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Psychiatrist: What’s your problem?Patient: I think I’m a chicken.Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?Patient: Ever since I was an egg!

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