Animal Joke, Joke of the Day
1..I will not eat large numbers of assorted bugs,then come home and puke them up so the humans can see that i’m getting plenty of roughage.
2..I will not use the bathtub to store live mice for late-night snacks.
3..I will not perch on my humans chest in the middle of the night and stare into her eyes until she wakes up .
4..I will not complain that my bottom is wet and that i am thristy after sitting in my water bowl.
5..I will not stickmy paw into any container
to see if there is something in it. if I do, I will not hiss and scratch when my human has to shave me to get the rubber cement out of my fur.
6.. When I am chasing my tail and catch my back leg instead, I will not bite down on my foot. This hurts, and my scream scares my human….
1. Stray cats will not be fed.
2. Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food.
3. Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food
moistened with a little milk.
4. Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food
moistened with warm milk, yummy treats and leftover fish scraps.
5. Stray cats will not be encouraged to make this house their
permanent residence.
6. Stray cats will not be petted, played with or picked up and
cuddled unnecessarily.
7. Stray cats that are petted, played with, picked up and cuddled
will absolutely not be given a name.
8. Stray cats with or without a name will not be allowed inside the
house at any time.
9. Stray cats will not be allowed inside the house except at
certain times.
10. Stray cats will not be allowed inside the house except on days
ending in “y”.
11. Stray cats allowed inside will not be permitted to jump up on
or sharpen their claws on the furniture.
12. Stray cats will not be permitted to jump up on, or sharpen
claws on the really good furniture.
13. Stray cats will be permitted on all furniture but must sharpen
claws on new $114.99 sisal-rope cat-scratching post with three perches.
14. Stray cats will answer the call of nature outdoors in the sand.
15. Stray cats will answer the call of nature in the three-piece,
high- impact plastic tray filled with Fresh’n'Sweet kitty litter.
16. Stray cats will answer the call of nature in the hooded litter
pan with a three-panel privacy screen and plenty of head room.
17. Stray cats will sleep outside.
18. Stray cats will sleep in the garage.
19. Stray cats will sleep in the house.
20. Stray cats will sleep in a cardboard box lined with an old
blanket.
21. Stray cats will sleep in the special Kitty-Komfort-Bed with
non-allergenic lamb’s wool pillow.
22. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed.
23. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed, except at
the foot.
24. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed under the
covers.
25. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed under the
covers except at the foot.
26. Stray cats will not play on the desk.
27. Stray cats will not play on the desk near the computer.
28. Stray cats are forbidden to walk on the computer keyboard on
the desk when the human is asdfjjhhkl;ljfd.;oier’puyykmm4hbdm9l
o9jmdskdm,.USING IT.
A repeat offender was brought before the judge, who said, “Haven’t I seen you in here several times before? And didn’t I tell you I never wanted to see you in here again?”
The offender replied, “Yes, Your Honor, that’s exactly what I told the officer, but he insisted I come anyway!”