A young blonde woman in New York was extremely depressed. She was so dumb that no one would hire her. She finally decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the pier, crying.

He took pity on her and said, “Look, you’ve got a lot to live for. I’m off to Europe in the morning and, if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I’ll take good care of you and bring you food every day.” Moving closer, he slipped his arm round her shoulder and added, “I’ll keep you happy, and you’ll keep me happy. Okay?”

The girl was not so dumb that she didn’t know what he meant, so she said “Yes”. After all, what did she have to lose? Maybe a fresh start in Europe would give her life new meaning. That night, the sailor sneaked her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat, on an unlighted portion of the deck, near a bathroom where she could go without being seen.

From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit and they made passionate love until dawn. Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain. “What are you doing here?” the captain asked. “I have an arrangement with one of the sailors,” she explained. “I get food and a trip to Europe, and he’s screwing me.”

“He sure is, lady,” the captain said. “This is the Staten Island Ferry.”

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Ok, some of these are pretty funny …
1. I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day.

2. Nice legs…what time do they open?

3. Do you work for UPS? I thought I saw you checking out my package.
4. You’ve got 206 bones in your body. Want one more?

5. Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?

6. I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I’m the only one talking to you.

7. I’m a bird watcher and I’m looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher. Have you seen one?

8. I’m fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.

9. Wanna play army? I’ll lay down and you can blow the hell outta me.

10. I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Superdrug, so I could ride you all day long for a quarter.

11. Oh, I’m sorry, I thought that was a Braille name tag.

12. I’d really like to see how you look when I’m naked.

13. Is that a ladder in your stockings or the stairway to heaven?

14. You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

15. Are those real?

16. You must be the limp doctor because I’ve got a stiffy.

17. I’d walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for that thing you do with your tongue.

18. If it’s true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.

19. (Look down at your crotch) Well it’s not just going to suck itself.

20. You know, if I were you, I’d have sex with me.

21. You. Me. Whipped cream. Handcuffs. Any questions?

22. Forgive me if I’m wrong, but is your name Sherry Titsbottom?

23. Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor.

24. My name is (name)…remember that, you’ll be screaming it later.

25. Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?

26. Hi, I’m Mr. Right. someone said you were looking for me.

27. My friend wants to know if YOU think I’M cute.
28. Hi. The voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.

29. My name isn’t Elmo, but you can tickle me anytime you want to.

30. I know milk does a body good, but DAMN, how much have you been drinking?

31. If you were the last woman and I was the last man on earth, I bet we could do it in public.

32. Wanna come over for some pizza and sex? No? Why? Don’t you like pizza?

33. Baby, I’m an American Express lover – you shouldn’t go home without me.

34. Do you sleep on your stomach? Can I???

35. Do you wash your pants in Windex? Because I can see myself in them.

36. I lost my puppy. Can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.

38. (Lick finger and wipe on her shirt) Let’s get you out of these wet clothes.

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A stud met two gorgeous blondes sitting side by side at a bar. They turned out to be Siamese twins joined at the hip, and they eagerly went to his apartment. After screwing the first one, he moved on to the second. The first sister noticed a case in the corner of the room.

“Is that a trombone?” she asked, “I was in the high school band, and would love to play your trombone.”

The guy shrugged, fetched her the instrument and went back to the second sister. As he humped, the first twin played loud, exuberant marches. A few weeks later, the twins were walking past his apartment building and the first one said, “Let’s stop in and see him.”

The other sister hesitated and asked, “Gee, do you think he’ll remember us?”

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