March 2008
Mr. Baldwin, the biology teacher called on Mary, “Can you tell me the part of the body that, under the right conditions, expands to six times it’s normal size, and state the conditions.”
Mary gasped and said in a huff, “Why, Mr. Baldwin! That is an inappropriate question and my parents are going to hear of it when I get home!” She sat down, red-faced.
“Susan, can you tell me the answer?” asked Mr. Baldwin.
“The pupil of the eye, under dark conditions,” said Susan.
“Correct. Now Mary, I have three things to say to you.
First, you have not studied your lesson.
Second, you have a dirty mind.
And third, boy are you going to be disappointed someday!”
15. Strip poker with Santa’s granddaughter
14. Attach the Mistletoe to Santa’s Ass
13. Spin the Salt Lick
12. Crapping down the chimneys of non-believers
11. Moose or Dare
10. Flying into the “No Fly Zones”
9. Bait-and-Shoot Elmo
8. The Annual Turn-Frosty-Yellow-from-50-Paces Contest
7. Scare the Holy Crap Out of the Airline Pilot
6. Convince the Elves to Eat “Raisinets”
5. Pin the Tail on Santa’s Big Fat Animal-Abusing Ass
4. Hide the Venison Sausage with Vixen
3. Elf Tossing
2. Sniff the Tail on the Donkey
And the Number 1 Reindeer Game…
1. The “Rudolph the Shitfaced Reindeer” Drinking Game
“I am” is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language.
Could it be that “I Do,” is the longest sentence?