Mr. Baldwin, the biology teacher called on Mary, “Can you tell me the part of the body that, under the right conditions, expands to six times it’s normal size, and state the conditions.”

Mary gasped and said in a huff, “Why, Mr. Baldwin! That is an inappropriate question and my parents are going to hear of it when I get home!” She sat down, red-faced.

“Susan, can you tell me the answer?” asked Mr. Baldwin.

“The pupil of the eye, under dark conditions,” said Susan.

“Correct. Now Mary, I have three things to say to you.

First, you have not studied your lesson.

Second, you have a dirty mind.

And third, boy are you going to be disappointed someday!”

sahilGeneral31 Mar, 2008No Comments

15. Strip poker with Santa’s granddaughter

14. Attach the Mistletoe to Santa’s Ass

13. Spin the Salt Lick

12. Crapping down the chimneys of non-believers

11. Moose or Dare

10. Flying into the “No Fly Zones”

9. Bait-and-Shoot Elmo

8. The Annual Turn-Frosty-Yellow-from-50-Paces Contest

7. Scare the Holy Crap Out of the Airline Pilot

6. Convince the Elves to Eat “Raisinets”

5. Pin the Tail on Santa’s Big Fat Animal-Abusing Ass

4. Hide the Venison Sausage with Vixen

3. Elf Tossing

2. Sniff the Tail on the Donkey

And the Number 1 Reindeer Game…

1. The “Rudolph the Shitfaced Reindeer” Drinking Game

sahilReligion Joke31 Mar, 2008No Comments

“I am” is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language.

Could it be that “I Do,” is the longest sentence?

sahilMarriage Jokes31 Mar, 2008No Comments

Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?

From eating with forks.

sahilBlonde Jokes31 Mar, 2008No Comments

A lady stumbles into a bar. She says, “Beertender, give me a dribble martuni, and put a pickle in it.”

He gives it to her, and she drinks it down.

She says, “Beertender, give me another dribble martuni, and put a pickle in it.” He gives it to her, and she drinks it down.

She says, “Beertender, give me another dribble martuni, and you better put two pickles in it, because..because I’ve got heartburn.”

The bartender says, “Look, lady… it’s not beertender, it’s bartender. It’s not a martuni, it’s a martini. It’s not a dribble, it’s a double. That’s not a pickle, it’s an onion. And you haven’t got heartburn, “You have your left breast in the Ashtray!”

sahilBar Jokes31 Mar, 2008No Comments

A pastor explained to his congregation that the church was in need of some extra money, so he asked them to consider being more than generous. He offered that whoever gave the most would be able to pick three hymns. After the offering plates were passed about the church, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had graciously offered a $1,000 bill. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and said he’d like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate. A very quiet, elderly, saintly lady in the back of the church shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front, so she slowly she made her way towards him. The pastor told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much, and in thanks he asked her to pick out three hymns. Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation. She pointed to the three most handsome men in the church and said, “I’ll take him and him and him.”

sahilReligion Joke29 Mar, 2008No Comments

A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.

The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.

The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled and said, “It really works!”

sahilMarriage Jokes29 Mar, 2008No Comments

THREE WOMEN — ONE GERMAN, ONE JAPANESE AND A HILLBILLY WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA.

SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND.

THE GERMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED.

THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY.

“THAT WAS MY PAGER,” SHE SAID. “I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM.”

A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG.

THE JAPANESE WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR. WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, “THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE. I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND.”

THE HILLBILLY WOMAN FELT DECIDEDLY LOW TECH. NOT TO BE OUTDONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE.

SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM. SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER BEHIND.

THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER.

THE HILLBILLY WOMAN FINALLY SAID, “WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT, I’M GETTIN’ A FAX!

sahilGeneral29 Mar, 2008No Comments

Why did the blonde get so excited after he finished the jigsaw

puzzle in only six months?

Because on the box, it said “From 2-4 years.”

sahilBlonde Jokes29 Mar, 2008No Comments

A guy and his friend walk into a bar. The guy gets about as drunk as he can get with out passing out. Suddenly, he starts yelling “No Way!” over and over again. He keeps on doing this over and over until his friend comes over. He asks “Hey, what the fuck is your problem?”

The guy replies “This guy here says that some guy named George W. Bush is our president!”

So the friend replies “First of all, George W. Bush is our president, and second of all, your talking to a stool.”

sahilBar Jokes29 Mar, 2008No Comments