A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.

She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him.

He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

“What’s the matter, dear?” she whispers as she steps into the room, “Why are you down here at this time of night?”

The husband looks up from his coffee and says, “Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?” he asks solemnly.

The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. “Yes I do,” she replies.

The husband paused. The words were not coming easily. “Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?”

“Yes, I remember,” said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continued… “Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, ‘Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?’”

“I remember that too,” she replied softly.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said…”I would have gotten out today.”

sahilMarriage Jokes29 Feb, 2008No Comments

The prosecuting attorney had just called his first witness to the stand, an elderly woman. Approaching her, he asked, “Do you know me, Mrs. Jackson?”

“I certainly do, Mr. Craine, since you were a small boy,” she responded. “Actually, you’ve been a very big disappointment to me. You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and are a hypocrite. You think you’re some big shot, when in reality you’re nothing more than a paper-pusher. You bet I know you.”

Stunned and not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, “Mrs. Jackson, do you know the defense attorney?”

She replied, “Yes, I do. In fact, I used to babysit Mr. Nelson when he was a small boy. He, too, has been a great disappointment to me. He not only has a drinking problem, but he’s lazy and a bigot. His law practice has a reputation of being one of the shoddiest in town. Yes, I sure do know him.”

The judge immediately silenced the uproar in the courtroom and asked both counselors to approach the bench.

Giving them both the evil eye, he said in a whisper, “If either of you dare ask her if she knows me, you will be jailed for contempt!”

sahilLawyer Jokes29 Feb, 2008No Comments

Telltale signs of a downturn in the Stockmarket…

=> NASDAQ seen in waterfront dive getting gooned on port shooters. => You’ve just called your investment house and the first thing they tell you is the soup of the day. => U.S. dollar and foil covered chocolate pirate doubloons currently on par. => Dow Jones now stripping in gay bar under the name Wow Jones. => Next parade down wall street, CEOs still fling tickertape from windows, only now don’t bother taking it out of their pockets. => Alan Greenspan has personally adopted a pesos-only policy.

sahilComputer Jokes29 Feb, 2008No Comments

There once was a blonde who had two horses but she couldn’t tell them apart,so she goes to her friend and says,”I have two horses and I just can’t tell them apart.”

The friend suggest that she cut off one’s mane,so the blonde did, but the mane grew back. She goes to her friend and the friend suggest she cut off one of the horses’ tail. The blonde did but the tail grew back too fast. So she finally says to her friend, “I’ve tried all of your suggestions but it just doesn’t work.”

The friend suggests one more thing that she measure them. The blonde went home, got a ruler measured them and went to her friend the next morning, and the blonde tells her friend,”Oh, thank you I can tell them apart!” “How?”

asked the friend, and the blonde tells her,”The black horse is taller than the white horse.”

sahilBlonde Jokes29 Feb, 2008No Comments

Two drunks were trying to figure out how to get some alcohol for free.

They only had a dollar in change between them. “I’ve got it, follow me.” said the first man.

They went to a hot dog stand and bought a dog and threw away the bun. “We’ll go into a bar and order drinks, and when the bartender asks for money, I’ll unzip my fly and pull out the hot dog. You drop to your knees and pretend to suck me off.”

The second man agrees to this and they start thier rounds.

When they get to the bar, they sit down and have a beer.

The bartender tells them, “That will be 3 dollars.”

The first man stands up and upzips his fly. The second man drops to his knees and starts sucking on the hot-dog.

“You faggots!”, screams the bartender. “Get the hell out of here!”

They run out and go to another bar and order drinks and when the bartender asks for money, the first man unzips his fly, and the second man drops to his knees.

The bartender throws them out.

After the sixth bar the second man complains, “Man this isn’t working out so well, My knees are killing me!”

“You think you’ve had it bad..”, the first man exclaims. “I lost the hotdog 4 bars ago!”

sahilBar Jokes29 Feb, 2008No Comments

Married life is frustrating.

The first year of marriage, the man speaks And the woman listens.

In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.

In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

sahilMarriage Jokes27 Feb, 2008No Comments

A lawyer’s dog, running about unleashed, beelines for a butcher shop and steals a roast. Butcher goes to lawyer’s office and asks, “if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog’s owner?”

The lawyer answers, “Absolutely.”

“Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today.”

The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50 Several days later the butcher opens the mail and finds a bill from the lawyer: $20 due for a consultation.

sahilLawyer Jokes27 Feb, 2008No Comments

COMPUTER PROBLEM REPORT FORM:

1. Describe your problem: __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________

2. Now, describe the problem accurately: __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________

3. Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem: __________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________

4. Problem severity:

A. Minor B. Minor C. Minor D. Trivial

5. Nature of the problem:

A. ___Locked Up B. ___Frozen C. ___Hung D. ___Strange Smell

6. Is your computer plugged in? Yes __ No __

7. Is it turned on? Yes __ No __

8. Have you tried to fix it yourself? Yes __ No __

9. Have you made it worse? Yes __

10. Have you had a friend who “knows all about computers ” try to fix it for you? Yes__ No__

11. Did they make it even worse? Yes __

12. Have you read the manual? Yes__ No__

13. Are you sure you’ve read the manual? Maybe __ No__

14. Are you absolutely certain you’ve read the manual? No__

15. If you read the manual, do you think you understood it? Yes__ No__

16. If ‘Yes’ then explain why you can’t fix the problem yourself: __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________

17. What were you doing with your computer when the problem occurred? __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________

18. If you answered ‘nothing’ then explain why you were logged in: ___________________________________________________ __________________________________________________

19. Are you sure that you aren’t imagining the problem? Yes__ No__

20. Does the clock on your VCR blink 12:00? Yes__ What’s a VCR__

21. Do you have a copy of ‘PCs for Dummies’? Yes__ No__

22. Do you have any independent witnesses to the problem? Yes__ No__

23. Do you have any electronic products that DO work? Yes __ No__

24. Is there anyone else that you could blame this problem on? Yes__ No__

25. Have you given the machine a good whack on the top? Yes__ No__

26. Is the machine on fire? Yes__ Not Yet __

sahilComputer Jokes27 Feb, 2008No Comments

Four guys are drinking in a bar, bragging about their sons.

“My son,” the first one says, “started out washing cars at dealership, but now owns the dealership and just gave one of his friends four new cars of his choice!”

“My son,” said the second, “started out serving lunch in a real estate office, but now owns the real estate office and just gave one of his friends a new mansion!”

“My son,” said the third, “started out sweeping the floors at the Stock Exchange, but now practically owns the Stock Exchange and just gave one of his friends a $1,000,000 in stock.”

“Well,” the fourth guy said, “my son’s turned out to be a bit of a disappointment. He’s a gay hairdresser and he has SEVERAL boyfriends. On the plus side, between them, they gave him four cars, a mansion, and a million dollars in stock for his birthday.”

sahilBar Jokes27 Feb, 2008No Comments

~ she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

~ if you gave her a penny for her thoughts, you’d get change back.

~ they had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade.

~ under “education” on her job application, she put “Hooked On Phonics.”

~ she tripped over a cordless phone.

~ she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

~ at the bottom of the application where it says “sign here”… she put ‘Sagittarius.’

~ she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.

~ it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.

~ if she spoke her mind, she’d probably be speechless.

sahilBlonde Jokes27 Feb, 2008No Comments