Promo:
Yes, folks it was a bite to the finish. The next fight will be on Pay Per Chew: Iron Mike Tyson versus Evander “The Real Meal†Holyfield.
sahil
31 Oct, 2007
Oct
31
The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.
You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
You think a woman who is “out of your league” bowls on a different night.
Jack Daniel’s makes your list of “Most Admired People.”
You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.
You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, “Hey, y’all watch this”
You’ve got more than one brother named Darryl.
You think that Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
Your wife’s hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
You go to your family reunion looking for a date.
Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.
You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are, “Gentlemen, start your engines.”
You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
You had to remove a toothpick for your wedding pictures.
The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas it has in it.
You have to go outside to get something out of the ‘fridge.
One of your kids was born on a pool table.
Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.
You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard.
Ya can’t get married to yer sweetheart ’cause there’s a law against it.
You dated one of your parents’ current spouses in high school.
You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
Your school fight song is “Dueling Banjos.”
Oct
31
A blonde had just returned to the United States from a month-long European vacation. She’d been to England, France, Spain, Italy, Germany, and Switzerland. Her boyfriend met her at the airport, hugged her, and asked how she enjoyed her trip.
“It was awful,” she grumbled. “The whole place was filled with foreigners.”
Oct
31
A couple just moved into hotel. And the hotel clerk asks the man after helping him with his luggage.
Anything else?
NO, thanks,
Maybe, your wife needs something ?
Oh, yeah. Thank you for your reminder. Do you sell greeting cards ?
Oct
31
Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they agree to hold a contest with God as the judge.
They set themselves before their computers and begin. They type furiously for several hours, lines of code streaming up the screen.
Seconds before the end, a bolt of lightning struck taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over. He asks Satan to show what he has come up with.
Satan is visibly upset, and cries, “I have nothing! I lost it all when the power went out.”
“Very well, then,” says God, “let us see if Jesus fared any better.”
Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers.
Satan is astonished. He stutters, “But how?! I lost everything, yet
Jesus’ program is intact! How did he do it?!”
God chuckles, “Jesus saves.”
Oct
31
A blonde guy goes to a local novelty shop and finds a pair of x-ray glasses. He checks them out, and isn’t fully convinced, but the store manager comes along and closes the deal.
On his way home, he puts on his new x-ray glasses and can’t believe his eyes. He sees everyone in the street naked. He takes them off for a moment, and everyone has their clothes on. He puts the glasses back on, and everyone is naked!
He rushes home and is eager to show his new toy to his wife, but he can’t find her. He goes up to the bedroom where he finds his wife and the mailman, naked in bed. He takes his glasses off, and the two are still naked. He puts them back on, and they’re still naked.
“Damn!” he says. “I just paid fifty bucks for these and they’re already broken!”
Oct
31
Two golden-agers were discussing their husbands over tea.
“I do wish that my Elmer would stop biting his nails. He makes me terribly nervous.”
“My Billy used to do the same thing,” the older woman replied. “But I broke him of the habit.”
“How?”
“I hid his teeth.”
Oct
31
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define “great” he said, “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!”
He now writes error messages for Microsoft Corporation.
Oct
31
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, “Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?” The other replied, “Yes I am, I married the wrong man.”
Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he’s finished.
Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor’s degree and the woman gets her master’s.
A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” And the father replied, “I don’t know, son, I’m still paying.”
Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son.
Then there was a man who said, “I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late.”
Married life is frustrating. The first year of marriage, the man speaks And the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, “You know, I was a fool when I married you.” The husband replied, “Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice.”
It doesn’t matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends Up with the same boss.
A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: “Wife wanted”. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is.
A woman was telling her friend , “It is I who made my husband a millionaire.” “And what was he before you married him.” Asked the friend. The woman replied, ” A billionaire”.
God says to Adam, “What would you like in a wife?” “Hmmm,” says Adam, “I’d like her to be the most beautiful creature in the world. I’d like her to do whatever I tell her to. I’d like he to work hard, be smart, enjoy being with me.” “Hmmmm”, God says, “I can do it, but it’ll cost you an arm and a leg.” “Oh,” says Adam, “Well what can I get for a rib?”
Oct
30
Collards is green, my dog’s name is Blue
and I’m so lucky to have a sweet thang like you.
Yore hair is like cornsilk, a flapping in the breeze
Softer than Blue’s and without all them fleas.
You move like the bass which excite me in May.
You ain’t got no scales but I luv you anyway.
Yo’re as satisfy’n as okry jist a-fry’n in the pan.
Yo’re as fragrant as “snuff” right out of the can.
You have some’a yore teeth for which I am proud;
I hold my head high when we’re in a crowd.
On special occasions, when you shave under yore arms,
well, I’m in hawg heaven and awed by yore charms.
Still them fellers at work, they all want to know,
what I did to deserve such a purdy, young doe.
Like a good roll of duct tape yo’re there fer yore man,
to patch up life’s troubles and fix what you can.
Yo’re as cute as a junebug a-buzzin’ overhead.
You ain’t mean like those far ants I found in my bed.
Cut from the best cloth like a plaid flannel shirt,
you spark up my life more than a fresh load of dirt.
When you hold me real tight like a padded gunrack,
my life is complete; ain’t nuttin’ I lack.
Yore complexion, it’s perfection, like the best vinyl sidin’.
Despite all the years, yore age it keeps hidin’.
Me ‘n’ you’s like a Moon Pie with a RC cold drank,
we go together like a skunk goes with stank.
Some men, they buy chocolate for Valentine’s Day;
They git it at Wal-Mart, it’s romantic that way.
Some men git roses on that special day from the cooler at Kroger.
That’s impressive,” I say.
Some men buy fine diamonds from a flea market booth.
“Diamonds are forever,” they explain, suave and so couth.
But for this man, honey, these jist won’t do,
Cause yor’e too special, you sweet thang you.
I got you a gift, without taste nor odor, more useful than diamonds……
It’s a New Troll’n Motor!!
Oct
30