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05 July, 2008
MILLENNIUM SONG

Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale,
Of the doom that is our fate,
That started when programmers used
Two digits for a date.
Two digits for a date.

Main memory was smaller then;
Hard disks were smaller, too.
Four digits are extravagant,
So let’s get by with two.
So let’s get by with two.

“This works through nineteen-ninety-nine,”
The programmers did say.
When we rewrite it in good time,
It all will go away.
It all will go away.

But Management had not a clue.
That does not make much sense.
Why rewrite a thing that works
At God-knows-what expense?
At God-knows-what expense?

Look at the way it works right now,
A work of art, you bet!
We will (of course) rewrite it all …
We just won’t do it yet.
We just won’t do it yet.

Now, when two thousand rolls around,
It all goes straight to hell,
For zero’s less than ninety-nine,
As anyone can tell.
As anyone can tell.

The mail won’t bring your pension check,
It won’t be sent to you
When you’re no longer sixty-eight,
But minus thirty-two.
But minus thirty-two.

The problems we’re about to face
Are frightening, for sure.
And reading every line of code’s
The only certain cure.
The only certain cure.

There’s not much time,
There’s too much code.
And COBOL-coders, few.
When the century is finished with
We may be finished, too.
We may be finished, too.

Eight thousand years from now I hope
That things weren’t left to fate,
And people aren’t then lamenting,
“Four digits for a date.”
“Four digits for a date.”

Caller ID

A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she answered, “I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear.”

“Oh Dear!” the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. “But, what happened to your other ear?”

“The jerk called back!”

Sourav Da…ah!

Q. What’s Dada’s favourite food?
A. Maggi (is done by the time he’s back from the crease, bas 2 minutes!)

Q. What’s Dada’s favorite English movie?
A. ‘Gone in 60 Seconds!’

Q.What’s Dada’s favorite Hindi movie?
A. ‘Aa Aab laut chalen’

Q. What’s Dada’s favorite song?
A. ‘Ek pal ka jeena, phir to hai jana’

Q. What did Dada say when he was asked, ‘Why is it always necessary to wear protection (helmet)?”
A. “Otherwise, Two minutes of fun can ruin your life”

Marriage is …

Marriage is like a mousetrap. Those on the outside are trying to get in. Those on the inside are trying to get out.
Marriage is low down, but you spend the rest of your life paying for it.
Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.
Marriage is the sole cause of divorce.
Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity.
Marriage still confers one very special privilege - only a married person can get divorced.
Marriage: A ceremony in which rings are put on the finger of the lady and around the hands and feet of the man.
Marriage: the only sport in which the trapped animal has to buy the license.
Marriages are made in heaven and consummated on Earth.

132 legs and 8 teeth

Q: What has 132 legs and 8 teeth?
A: The front row of a Garth Brooks concert!

THE E-MAIL ADDICT

My hand tightly grips the mouse,
I sit here in blank silence.
I haven’t gotten an E-mail in 5 days,
Soon I’ll resort to violence.

The vein in my forehead
Is popping out for miles.
My chair worn away by shaking.
I sit on the floor tiles.

I stare at my inbox
Praying for some mail.
I’ve lived on Doritos and beer,
Brain’s as slow as a snail.

10 purple blood blisters
Thrive on all my fingers.
Before, my inbox flowed.
Now none is all that lingers.

It’s 12:46 at night,
But I’m far from being tired.
I better get some mail,
Before my brain gets wired!

Oh look! I’ve got a message
From someone named “CareBear.”
It has no subject, no words, no point,
But God, I’m glad it’s there!

I can finally go to bed
After hours of endless waiting.
Maybe I can restart my social life.
Maybe now I can start dating!

After all, I’ve been sitting here
Since 1982.
But since I’ve never seen sunlight,
It might be hard to do.

I wonder why no one
Had sent me something before?
I guess it’s cuz I haven’t talked
Since 1984!

Have I wasted my life?
Should I have gotten a job?
I’ve taken advantage of myself.
Now I’m but a gob

Of fat, lazy, unhealthy waste
Sitting in a pit.
I can’t think for myself.
I need a computer to do it.

If someone told me to do something else
Would I have said “yeah”?
Have I made the wrong decision?
NAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Da Blonde

How do u drown a blonde?

U put a mirror under da water.

Football Wedding

Two guys are talking about their boss’s upcoming wedding.
One says, “It’s ridiculous, he’s rich, but he’s 93 years old, and she’s just 26! What kind of a wedding is that?”
The other says, “Well, we have a name for it in my family.”
“What do you call it?”
“We call it a football wedding.”
The first asks, “What’s a football wedding?”
The other says, “She’s waiting for him to kick off!”

Q: Why did the football coach go to the bank?
A: To get his Quarter back.

Q: Why are football stadiums always cool?
A: Because they’re full of fans.

Q: How many Vikings does it take to win a Superbowl?
A: No one knows, and we may never find out!

A Mother’s Dictionary

Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too.

Defense: What you’d better have around de yard if you’re going to let the children play outside.

Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins.

Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster

Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots.

Full name: What you call your child when you’re mad at him.

Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.

Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

Impregnable: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

Look out: What it’s too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.

Prenatal: When your life was still somewhat your own.

Preprared childbirth: A contradiction in terms.

Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

Show off: A child who is more talented than yours.

Sterilize: What you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it.

Storeroom: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can’t quite reach anything.

Temper tantrums: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.

Top bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

Two-minute warning: When the baby’s face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

Verbal: Able to whine in words

Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house.

Whoops: An exclamation that translates roughly into “get a sponge.”

NASCAR

What does NASCAR stand for?
Non

Athletic

Sport

Created

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