The Top 10 Things Overheard In A Tax Preparer’s Office Prior To The Tax Filing Deadline

No sir, the government does not want you to pay your taxes in pennies.

I have a hard time believing that a garbage collector made $150,000 last year so for the last time, DID YOU HAVE ANY OTHER SOURCE OF INCOME!!!

How cute… a tax form done in crayon.

No sir, its do your taxes every year and renew your driver’s license every 4 years, not the other way around.

Just because you talk to your plants ma’am, you cannot, repeat CANNOT list them as your dependants.

No Ms Lewinsky, your oval office “contributions” are not the same as when you check the dollar box at the top of your 1040 form.

Even if you are a hooker, the number of orgasms you’ve had cannot count as a business expense.

I’m sorry, I’m not sure I follow your “Give me an extension and I’ll give you an extension later at my place” argument.

I take it that because you have decided to do origami with your tax form that you’re not receptive to paying your taxes this year.

Just remember the IRS motto, buddy: Screw us now, we’ll screw you later!!

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The Top 10 Reasons Not To Stay in West Virginia

Contrary to what the lousy song says, Country Roads do NOT always take you home.

You dream of a life that will involve a paved road.

You grow tired of tourists stopping by, asking for directions to the state of “South Virginia”, and driving off in a fit of laughter.

You’re stuck with AM Radio…AM COUNTRY radio.

You’ve grown tired of seeing the group “Glass Tiger” at the local Acorn Festival each year.

The sheep won’t take your “abuse” anymore and they are planning a revolt.

Hayrides are still limited to just 10 mph.

The local theatre’s performance of “Les Miserables” left something, no A LOT, to be desired.

You’ve had it with those pesky revenuers destroying your stills of “shine”.

No matter how hard you try, your cows don’t appear receptive to chasing or catching that Frisbee.

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The Top 10 Things To Check The Salad Bar Before You Load Your Plate Up

Anything that’s moving.

Green Carrots.

Moldy Croutons.

Body parts.

Blood in the French Dressing.

A cucumber slice with a bite out of it.

I’ve seen the movie…they could be there so watch out for Killer Tomatoes!!!

Lettuce that closely resembles Astroturf.

How should I put this…let’s just that the sneeze guard didn’t do its job and there’s something phlegm related in the radishes.

The body of Harold, the dim-witted drive thru clerk who kept messing up orders, under the ice on the bar.

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