Top Lists, Clean Funny Jokes
The Top 10 Signs You’re Flying On A Bad Airline
The engine’s being held on by duct tape.
You see the Gorilla from those old Samsonite commercials running loose up and down the aisles.
In-flight movie has “Ernest” in its title.
Pilot informs you that you’re at cruising altitude and he’s gonna put the top down.
Instead of Peanuts, you get a healthy helping of SPAM.
As you’re taking off, the stewardess mentions the phrase “Guest Pilot Program”
The seats are wet due to flotation device moisture.
The stewardess asks you to join the Mile High Club…”she” has a beard and bigger arms than you!
Pilot asks if there is anyone else who wants a shot of Beam before he finishes the bottle.
You look down and see a copy of “Fixing a Plane for Dummies” by the mechanic’s feet!!!
The Top Signs That Your Net Relationship Is Over
All of a sudden, she’s typing in a different font.
Instead of hearing that lovely “You’ve Got Mail” statement when you use America OnLine, you hear “You Just Got Dumped!”
Your connection to his server is constantly refused.
You get a Dear John E-mai…Your name is Fred.
They no longer have access to a computer due to a recent parole.
She starts ending each sentence with only 1 exclamation mark instead of the usual 3!!!
She tells you that she’s been working a lot. You think its a professional job; it turns out that she was responsible for the decorations at her Jr High prom!!
During an intimate moment in a chat room, she reveals herself to be GRANDMA!!
The Top 10 Signs That Its Time To Do The Laundry
You’re wearing your last pair of underwear in the shower consistently.
You’ve worn your sheets to school because you can’t get them off of you.
Your socks act like a shirt does when its heavily starched and emit a serious funk.
Your roommate walks around wearing a full body medical suit like they did in the movie “Outbreak” to avoid catching the Ebola virus.
The Snuggle Bear on the softener bottle officially died last week.
The DEA’s drug sniffing dog is always coming by to sniff your laundry because the strong stench makes him think you have 28 tons of pot in your closet.
Even after sewing 28 spring scented dryer sheets to the inside of your shirt, your friends still say you reek.
The phrase “Wash Me” is visibly written in your jeans.
Your red T-shirt is now green.
The boss pulls you aside to remind you that your company’s casual days does not include your college graduation gown and scuba diving fins.