sex, drugs, rock’n roll
speed, weed, birth contoll
all the preps who think their cool better watch cuz stoners rule!
i love weed it makes me happy
so my advice; every one smoke weed u’ll be happy “dude”
sahil
17 Jul, 2007
Jul
17
see we call it weed, frosty nug or shwag, ill roll a blunt, twist it up take a drag, let the smoke flow in my mouth like a superfical kite, son ill be hitting this shit all god damn night, and i wont quit till i done smoked it all, then i get on the phone and give frostynugman a call, tell em to bring me some dank, about and ounce of 2, get.. the bong..take the liter out my shoe. put the nug in the tinny, pack it real tight, get blazed as shit then turn off the light. now thats my story bout the frosty nug man ( YO SON PACK ANOTHER BOWL ) shit kid i will if i can!
Jul
16
1 A stoner stumbles out of a party, and starts to walk home.
One the way he bumps into a guy who is all bloody and mangled.
The guy limps up to the stoner and says “Call me an ambulance!”
The stoner looks at him for a second, smiles and says, “You’re an ambulance!”
2 Two stoners were sitting around smoking a bong. All of a sudden, there was a knock at the door.
About half an hour later, the first stoner said, “Did you hear someone knocking, man?”
Another half hour went by, and the second stoner said, “yeah, man, I heard someone knocking.”
Half an hour later, the first stoner said, “Do you think we should answer the door, man?”
After another half hour, the second stoner said, “Yeah, you should go answer the door.”
So, half an hour later, the first stoner got up and answered the door.
Forty-five minutes later, a third stoner said, “Man, you guys were fast.”
3 There were 3 stoners, an Italian, a Polock, and a German. The Italian opens his lunch and gets pizza so he says “if I get pizza again im jumpin off a bridge. So the next day he opens his lunch and gets pizza so he jumps off a bridge. Then, the Polock opens his lunch and gets spaghetti so he says “if I get spaghetti tommorow i’m jumpin off a bridge.” So the next day he opens his lunch and gets spaghetti so he jumps off a bridge. So then the German opens his lunch and gets chicken so he says “if I get chicken one more time im jumpin off a bridge too.” He opens his lunch the next day and he getss chicken so he jumps off a bridge. The next day all of their wives are at their funeral talking to each other and the Italain’s wife says “if i would’ve known i would’ve made him something else.” Then the German’s wife says “me too.” So then the Polock’s wife says “well I would’ve too but he packs his own lunch.”
You are a stoner if….
1-If you want to hang out with snoop dogg because you know he has weed.
2-If you go to court high and thats why your there in the first place.
3-If you were out of bud so you look on the carpet to see if you dropped some.
4-If you think B-U-D stands for bud the ultimate drug.
5-if you remember someone that dosnt exict.
6-If your talkin about someone that you dont know.
7-If you were out of weed so you smoke the resin.
8-If you ask your boss for a weed break.
9-If you dont remember what a room lookes like whithout a cloud.
10-If everything you say ends with “I Dont fuckin Remember”
11-If you call your dealer and forget why.
12-If you were so high that you dont remember what a bong looks like.
13-If you lost your joint.
14-If you lost your pipe and smoke out of a can.
15-If you drop an egg on the ground and pick it up and put it in the pan because you forgot you dropped it.
16-If you never carry less than a dime on you.
17-If your friend in a lot of pain and you call the ambulance and they ask you whats wrong and you say “I Dont Remember”
18-If you only use visine for bloodshot eyes.
19-If you tape the news channle so that you can watch it later.
20-If your pick-up line is “do you have a joint”
21-If you ever tried to roll a pipe.
22-If you ever asked the judge “Do You Have Any Weed”
23-If you ever got lost in a bag of weed.
24-If you think i wont be comming back for more.
Oct
13
Two stoners get busted, so in court the judge says, “Since it’s your first offences all you have to do is get as many kids off drugs as you can in 24 hours.” So they go and the next day the first stoner comes back and the judge asks him how many kids he got off drugs, and the stoner says “24″ well the judge asks “that’s pretty impressive…how’d you do that?” and the stoner says “well…I said O this is your brain, o this is your brain on drugs.” The judge tells him he’s free to go. So the 2nd stoner walks in and the judge asks how many kids he got off drugs, and the stoner says “233″ the judge is just fuckin amazed and wants to know how in the FUCK he got that many kids off drugs…and the stoner says” Well, I said o this is your asshole, O this is your asshole in prison.”
Oct
13
A stoner goes to his stoner friends house and knocks at the door.
Stoner 2 yells “who is it”?
Stoner 1 yells back “its Mark”.
Stoner 2 yells “come in the doors open”.
Stoner 1 thinks for a minute and yells back “NO IT’S NOT”.
Oct
13
You might be a true stoner if…..
********************************************************************************
1=If the highest grade you ever had was at a C+ and you were proud of it.
2=If you think it took 20 min. to get to the bus stop.
3=If you call your dealer for a 40 and remember you only have $20.
4=If a bum lost a dime and you say youll help find it if he smokes it with you.
5=If you only go to a grocry store for munchies.
6=If someone asks if you like KoRn and you say “Only when I have the munchies”.
7=If someone asks if you have a dime and you say “Im all out of the green”.
8=A FAKE STONER SAYS DOPE INSTEAD OF WEED BECAUSE THAT IS METH. SO IF YOU SAY METH INSTEAD OF WEED THAN READ THE TITLE
9=If you sell your pipe for weed money.
10=If you ever tried to sell money for more.
11=If you have a special lighter just for weed.
12=If you also have a back-up lighter just for weed.
13=If you sell your bong for weed money.
14=If you need the trippiest screensaver on your screen.
15=If your house burns down and the first thing you grab is all your weed.
16=If you like the idea of smoke,eat,sleep,smoke,eat,sleep……….
17=count these <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
18=If you think E-mail satand for Eat Munchies And Ill Light up
19=If you have a tripple hosed bong just for you.
20=you are only a true stoner if you answerd #17 because a stoner would have wasted there time to count them.
STONER JOKES:
1 If your girlfriend tells you to “come over theres nobody home” and you say “that why should i go over there then”
2 If your girlfriend says over the phone “I Love You” and you say “I Love You too But Only When Im Stonned”.
3 A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, “Everyone who thinks you’re stupid, stand up!”
After a few seconds, A stonner named Jake in the back stood up.
The teacher said, “Do you think you’re stupid, Jake?”
“No, stupid ass, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!”
Oct
13
My wife came with instructions. Plenty of instructions. She instructed me on how to do everything all over again. And she was quick to point out all my faults. I only came with two instructions……to show her how to clean a pipe…and how to make munchie food.
Oct
13
Jay&Jay is “going to try to make these the best ones and tell me what you think”-PS: if you dont forgett
You Are A True Stoner If-
1-If you think the black and white specks on the T.V. is a good stoner movie.
2-If you only think that a true stoner only has weed when you need them(well a true stoner like me has weed 24/7
3-If you get a phone call and get pissed because that walk took too fuckin long.
4-If your parents find the weed that you left on the table because you forgot were you put it.
5-If you light a cigarette only thinking it was a joint.
6-If smokin weed is the only thing that you are not too lazy to do.
7-If your girlfriend calls and you are pissed because you had to move and tell her just to come over and fuck me.
9-If all you think about is weed,munchies,sex,sleep over and over.
10-If you always have visine in your weed pouch.
11-If you hat has a pot leaf on it.
12-If it takes you 20 min. just to get downstairs
13-If you get really fuckin pissed when you are hanging out with you friends and no one has weed.
14-If six hits wont even get you high anymore.
15-If you always need to wear green just for the benifit of the colour of weed.
16-Fuck dude it seems like ive been doing this for hours seriosly.
17-If you were knockin on someones door and it takes them 12 min. to get to it and you say “holy shit you were fast”.
18-If you need to cellabrate 420
19-If your email address is Jasonlocal420@wmconnect.com yea me and email me if you want more
20-If you have the munchies 24/7
21-If your room mate dosnt even smoke weed but every time he walks in he gets stoned because the place is always hot-boxed.
22-If you get lit on fire and the day you get out of the hospital you already have a 40 sack on you.
23-If you will only date a stoner.
24-If you dont trust people that dont smoke weed.
25-If you are always sleeping on shake.
26-If you can turn anything in to a pipe or bong.
27-If the only thing you had was watches and you use them.
28-If you started smokin at age 8 like me
29-If you forgot to go to your wedding
30-If you never noticed that I skipped #8
just for the hell of it Ijust got this email that said where would you $500 dollers go were do they think its going to fuckin go
Oct
13
You are a true stoner if***
1 you call for pizza and forget who you called and ask for a 40 sack*
2 your friend calls and asks for weed and you forget what they wanted*
3 heres a letter for you but the words get confused and the conversation dies*
Oct
13
You are a true stoner if…………………………………………………………………………………
1~If you like these jokes as they are funny as hell.
2~If you have a lt more weed than your friends but you choose to smoke theirs.
3~If all thats on your mind is “I cant remember”
4~If smokin pot leads to “I cant remember”
5~If you love to refill your pipe 24/7.
6~If everything someone says and they always go too fast to understand.
7~If you think you need a joint in one hand and a beer in the other or you WILL fall over.
8~If you are in a store and ask around for bud.
9~If you think im already done with this.(well your wrong)
10~If you take a drag of a cigg.and hold it in because you are used to it.
11~If you were at one time a vegitarian.
12~If you axcuse is “It makes me feel good”
13~If you “I forget what I was going to say”.
14~If you think you have been reading this for an hour already.
15~If you are getting lost with all these letters.
16~If you forgot what 15 was already.
17~If you think P-O-T stands for Puff On This.
18~If you forget what its like to be sober.
19~If youre always thinking “Fuck the next lessen ill pass the test quessin.
20~Oh hey fuckers im getting married.
21~If you turned your own bike into a bong.
22~If you only have just a little tiny bit of weed and you smoke it hoping to get high
*************************************************
Q- How many stoners does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A- Man fuck the light lets get high.
Q- How long does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A- Well it will seem like hours and a lot of work to get up there.
Q- Why dont you ever fun over a stoner?
A- You might break his pipe.
Q- Why do stoners choose weed over all other drugs?
A- because hes a stoner.
Q-What does a stoner do when his lighter runs out of fluid?
A- duh the fuckers going to get another one.
A stoner is so damn poor when someone rings the door bell he says”Ding Dong”
***************************************************
A guy and a stoner are out hunting deer. The guy says, “Did you see that?”
“No,” the stoner says.
“Well, a bald eagle just flew overhead,” the guy says.
“Oh,” says the stoner.
A couple of minutes later, The guy says, “Did you see that?”
“See what?” said the stoner.
“Are you blind? There was a big, black bear walking on that hill, over there.”
“Oh said the stoner.”
A few minutes later the first guy says: “Did you see that?”
By now, the stoner is getting aggravated, so he says, “Yes, I did!”
And the guy says: “Then why did you step in it?”
captain “What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?”
stoner “Throw out an anchor, sir,” the student replied.
captain”What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?”
stoner “Throw out another anchor, sir.”
captain “And if another terrific storm sprang up forward, what would you do then?” asked the captain.
stoner “Throw out another anchor, sir.”
“Hold up,” said the captain. “Where are you getting all those anchors from?”
“From the same place you’re getting your storms from.” said the stoner
Oct
13