CAT | Redneck Jokes
A redneck was arrested for selling home-stilled whiskey.
His lawyer put him on the stand and asked the jurors to look carefully at his client.
“Now, Ladies and Gentleman of the jury,” concluded the lawyer, “you’ve looked carefully at the defendant. Can you sit there in the jury box and honestly believe that if my client had ANY whiskey he would sell it?”
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A guy was on trial for murder and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a red neck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the red neck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.
The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.
After the trial, the brother went to the red neck’s house, told him what a great job he had done and paid him the $10,000.
The red neck replied that it wasn’t easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all wanted to let him go.
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* You recycle your own toilet paper
* Your mom has to shave more times a month than your dad
* You see a bill board that says “Don’t do crack” and it reminds you to pull up your pants.
* You stare at a carton of orange juice because it says “concentrate.”
* Your bumper sticker reads: “One more Whore and We Get Gore.”
* The nativity scene you set up in your yard at Christmas includes two pink flamingos and baby Jesus lying in a painted tire.
* Most of your teeth are on a chain around your neck.
* You hunt from your bedroom window.
* Your dad walks you to school because you’re in the same grade.
* You refrigerate your food stamps.
* You use a 10 penny nail to pick your teeth after a night of road kill.
* You have ever dressed your child as a “Snot-rag” for Halloween.
* Your idea of a loaded dishwasher is getting your wife drunk.
* You and your spouse get divorced and you are still relatives.
* You go to your local ice cream store and order Copenhagen “sprinkles” on your cone.
* You know instinctively that red wine goes with opossum.
* You’re always looking to find your Mother-in-Law’s picture on the back of a milk carton!
* The officer that just pulled you over asks if “you have any I.D.”..and you respond “About whut?”
* You take a beer to a job interview.
* You are caught roll’n your trailer down the street to jump start the heater.
* When you finish eatin’ your bologna you use the rind for dental floss.
* You go to Goodwill to meet women.
* You and your friends are putting an engine in a pickup, drinking beer, and the conversation is: Which county jail has the best food!
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