They just found out Clinton’s been stuffing turf in his underpants.They’re for grass roots support.
sahil
24 Jun, 2008
Jun
24
Signs Your Partner Needs A Vacation
9. Every Tuesday he insists it’s his turn to be the siren.
8. He wants to transfer to a K-9 unit because he thinks he’d look good in a collar.
7. He wants you to call him “Judge Dredd”, and he insists that all suspects should be executed right there on the spot.
6. He talk to himself. Half of him is the “good cop”, and the other half is the “bad cop”.
5. He keeps asking you if his bullet proof vest makes him look fat.
4. He is exchanging donut recipes with complete strangers.
3. The perpetrators beg him to stop talking about his relationship troubles.
2. He wants to hear less talk and more music on the police channel.
1. He keeps handcuffing himself by accident!!
Jun
9
A mid-level executive was so frustrated at being passed over for promotion year after year, that, in frustration, he went to a brain-transplant center in the hope of raising his I.Q. 20 points.
After a battery of physical and psychological tests, he was told by the center’s director that he was an acceptable candidate.
“That’s great!” the executive said. “But I understand that this procedure can be really expensive.”
“Yes, sir, it can,” the director replied. “An ounce of accountant’s brain for example, costs one thousand dollars; an ounce of an economist’s brain costs two thousand; an ounce of a corporate president’s is forty-five thousand. An ounce of a Democrat’s brain is seventy-five thousand dollars.”
“Seventy-five thousand dollars for an ounce of a Democrat’s brain? Why on earth is that?”
“Do you have any idea,” the director asked, “how many Democrats we would have to kill?”
Apr
26
“We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur.”
– Vice President Al Gore, 9/22/97
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“For NASA, space is still a high priority.”
– Vice President Al Gore, 9/5/93
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“Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children.”
– Vice President Al Gore
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“The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation’s history. I mean in this century’s history. But we all lived in this century. I didn’t live in this century.”
– Vice President Al Gore, 9/15/95
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“It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.”
– Vice President Al Gore
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“[It’s] time for the human race to enter the solar system.”
– Vice President Al Gore
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“We’re all capable of mistakes, but I do not care to enlighten you on the mistakes we may or may not have made.”
– Vice President Al Gore
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“I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change.”
– Vice President Al Gore, 5/22/98
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“One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president, and that one word is ‘to be prepared.’”
– Vice President Al Gore, 12/6/93
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“Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things.”
– Vice President Al Gore, 11/30/96
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“I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future.”
– Vice President Al Gore
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“The future will be better tomorrow.”
– Vice President Al Gore
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“We’re going to have the best-educated American people in the world.”
– Vice President Al Gore, 9/21/97
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“I stand by all the misstatements that I’ve made.”
– Vice President Al Gore to Sam Donaldson, 8/17/93
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“We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a *part* of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a *part* of Europe.”
– Vice President Al Gore
Apr
25
My four year old and I were discussing holidays, and I asked him, “What is the day which comes after Halloween when you have turkey?”
My husband quickly answered, “Election day.”
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The American myth is that every boy can grow up to be President.
The Bush reality now is that the boy doesn’t have to grow up?!
Apr
24
Clinton: (C)razed (L)ow-class (I)diot (N)ow (T)aking (O)ver (N)ation
Clinton: (C)razy (L)iberal (I)ntent (O)n (N)eedlessly (T)rashing (O)ur (N)ation
Clinton: (C)learly (L)oose (I)nternal (N)avigation (T)echniques (O)ccupy (N)ever-Neverland
Clinton: (C)ompulsive (L)iar (I)s (N)ation’s (T)op (O)fficial (N)ow
Clinton: (C)omplete (L)oser (I)n (N)ow (T)errorizing (O)ur (N)ation
Hillary: (H)ighly (I)nexperienced (L)eft-liberal (A)cademic (R)ighteous (Y)uppies
Gore: (G)ennifer’s (O)nly (R)emaining (E)nterprise
Gore: (G)reatly (O)riented to (R)adical (E)cology
Gore: (G)reat (O)ne (R)egulating (E)verything
Apr
23
George Bushes, father Bush and son Bush, Bush, Jr., are on board a small two seater plane when suddenly George Senior, the pilot, parachutes out of the plane. Not knowing how to fly, National Guard Service or not, a plane George, Jr., grabs the radio.
“Mayday, mayday! My Dad just jumped out of the plane!”
Ground control receives the call for help and answers back:
“Your dad?”
“He left me here! Took the parachute!”
“Sir, your dad?”
“He’s the pilot! Gosh!”
“Okay, don’t worry, sir. I’ll talk you down, just do as I say. First I need you to give me your height and position.”
“I’m over six feet and sitting in the front!”
Apr
22
Musharraf in Tunnel:
Vajpayee, Musharraf, Madhuri Dixit and Margaret Thatcher are traveling in a train. The train suddenly goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap! The train comes out of the tunnel. Thatcher and musharaf are sitting there looking perplexed. vajpayee is bent over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap. All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says anything.
Thatcher is thinking: “These indians are all crazy after Madhuri. vajpayee must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him”
Madhuri is thinking: “vajpayee must have moved to kiss me, and kissed Margaret instead and got slapped.”
Vajpayee is thinking: “Damn! it, Musharaf must have tried to kiss Madhuri, she thought it was me and slapped! me.”
Musharaf is thinking: “If this train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap Vajpayee again.”
Feb
7
What’s the difference between Saddam Hussein and Bill Clinton?
One wants to screw the world and one already has!
Feb
4
Saddam Hussein and George W. Bush meet up in Baghdad for the first round of talks in a new peace process. When George sits down, he notices three buttons on the side of Saddam’s chair. They begin talking. After about five minutes Saddam presses the First button. A boxing glove springs out of a box on the desk and punches Bush in the face.
Confused, Bush carries on talking as Saddam laughs. A few minutes later the second button is pressed. This time a big boot comes out and kicks Bush in the shin. Again Saddam laughs, and again Bush carries on talking, not wanting to put off the bigger issue of peace between the two countries. But when the third button is pressed and another boot comes out and kicks Bush in the privates, he’s finally had enough, knowing that he can’t do much without them functioning well. “I’m going back home!” he tells the Iraqi. “We’ll finish these talks in two weeks!”
A fortnight passes and Saddam flies to the United States for talks. As the two men sit down, Hussein notices three buttons on Bush’s chair and prepares himself for the Yank’s revenge. They begin talking and Bush presses the first button. Saddam ducks, but nothing happens. George snickers. A few seconds later he presses the second button. Saddam jumps up, but again nothing happens. Bush roars with laughter. When the third button is pressed, Saddam jumps up again, and again nothing happens. Bush falls on the floor in a fit of hysterics.
“Forget this,” says Saddam. “I’m going back to Baghdad!”
Dubya says through tears of laughter, “What Baghdad?”
Feb
3