A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:Officer: May I see your driver’s license?Driver: I don’t have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.Officer: May I see the owner’s card for this vehicle?Driver: It’s not my car. I stole it.Officer: The car is stolen?Driver: That’s right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner’s card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.Officer: There’s a gun in the glove box?Driver: Yes sir. That’s where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.Officer: There’s a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?Driver: Yes, sir.Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain.The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:Captain: Sir, can I see your license?Driver: Sure. Here it is.It was valid.Captain: Who’s car is this?Driver: It’s mine, officer. Here’s the owner’ card.The driver owned the car.Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there’s a gun in it?Driver: Yes, sir, but there’s no gun in it.Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there’s a body in it.Driver: No problem.Trunk is opened; no body.Captain: I don’t understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn’t have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.Driver: Yeah, I’ll bet the liar told you I was speeding, too
sahil
28 Jun, 2008
A police officer stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.”But officer,” the man began, “I can explain.”"Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.”"But, officer, I just wanted to say,” “And I said to keep quiet! You’re going to jail!”A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, “Lucky for you that the chief’s at his daughter’s wedding… He’ll be in a good mood when he gets back.”"Don’t count on it,” answered the fellow in the cell. “I’m the groom.”
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.She replied in a huff, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!”
|A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car. “They’ve stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator,” she cried out.However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line. “Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake
A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place:Man: What’s the problem officer?Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.Man: No sir, I was going 65.Wife: Oh Harry. You were going 80.(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)Cop: I’m also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.Man: Broken tail light? I didn’t know about a broken tail light!Wife: Oh Harry, you’ve known about that tail light for weeks.(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)Cop: I’m also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.Wife: Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt.Man: Shut your mouth, woman!Cop: Ma’am, does your husband always talk to you this way?Wife: No, only when he’s drunk.
Two men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day were led down to the room in which they would meet their maker. The priest had given the last rites, the formal speech had been given by the warden, and a final prayer had been said among the participants. The Warden, turning to the first man, solemnly asked, “Son, do you have a last request?” To which the man replied, “Yes sir, I do. I love dance music. Could you please play The Macarena for me one last time?”
“Certainly,” replied the warden. He turned to the other man and asked, “Well, what about you, son? What is your final request?”
“Please,” said the condemned man, “kill me first.”
A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he’s topping 100 mph. He eventually realizes he can’t escape and finally pulls over.
The cop approaches the car and says, “It’s been a long day and my tour is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behavior, I’ll let you go.”
The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says, “My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago. I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back!”
A cop was interrogating a very intoxicated Irishman, who was also severly bleeding.
The officer asked, “Can you describe the person who did this to you?”
The Irishman replied, “That’s what I was doing when he hit me.”
A deputy police officer responded to a report of a barroom disturbance. The “disturbance” turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. What’s more, he boasted that he could whip the deputy and Muhammad Ali too.
Said the policeman, “I’ll bet that you’re also an escape artist-probably better than Houdini.”
The giant nodded.
“If I had some chains,” the deputy continued, “you could show us how strong you really are. But all I’ve got is a set of handcuffs. Why don’t you see just how quickly you can break out of them?”
Once in the cuffs, the man puffed, pulled and jerked for four minutes. “I can’t get out of these,” the giant growled.
“Are you sure?” the deputy asked. The fellow tried again. “Nope,” he replied. “I can’t do it.”
“In that case,” said the deputy, “you’re under arrest.”
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned: “I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!”