A pregnant woman is about to give birth. The doctor has her on thedelivery table, legs up in the stirrups. Suddenly, he sees the topof a head push through. Then the baby pops its head out and saysto the doctor, “Are you my dad?”. The doctor says, “No, I am your doctor!”. With that, the baby popsright back inside. “Damn!”, says the doctor. A short while later he sees the head pushthrough again. “Are you my dad?”, asks the baby. “No, I am your doctor.”, he replies. Once again the baby vanishes back into his mother’s womb. The doctor turns to a nurse and says, “Nurse, get that baby’s fatherin here right away–we may have a situation on our hands!”. Momentslater the baby’s father is in the delivery room, and the baby’s headonce again pops out. “Are you my dad?”, the baby asks of the father. The father replies, “Yes, little baby, I am your father!” The baby then reaches up and begins poking his father in the foreheadwith his index finger–”How do you like that?”
sahil
5 Jul, 2008
Why is a bride always smiling as she walks down the aisle at her wedding? No more blowjobs.
She: What do you love most, my natural beauty or my body?He: Your sense of humor
I’ve never been much on fashion, but got quite a few compliments on a new sports jacket I wore to work one day. Mysecretary asked me where I got it and I told her that it was a surprise from my wife. I went home early yesterday, and there itwas, on the back of a kitchen chair
|All marriages are happy–it’s the living together afterward that causes all the problems.Did you hear about the scientist whose wife had twins? He baptized one and kept the other as a control.Disclaimer: Even my wife doesn’t agree with everything I say, and she loves me dearly. My employers don’t love me nearly as much as she does. Draw your own conclusions.It was very good of God to let Carlyle and Mrs Carlyle marry one another and so make only two people miserable instead of four, besides being very amusing.May you be blessed with a wife so healthy and strong, she can pull the plow when your horse drops dead.May you learn to perform miracles: earn a living and marry off your daughters.May your daughters marry men of substance: gypsies with two bears.Sign in a marriage counselor’s window: “Out to lunch - Think it over.”The gods gave man fire and he invented fire engines. They gave him love and he invented marriage.There is no realizable power that man cannot, in time, fashion the tools to attain, nor any power so secure that the naked ape will not abuse it. So it is written in the genetic cards - only physics and war hold him in check. And the wife who wants him home by five, of course. — Encyclopaedia Apocryphia
|At a friend’s wedding, the bridal party filled their car with balloons–all filled with laughing gas. They put them everywhere, under seats, in the glove box, etc. They popped the balloons, and everyone was relaxed and laughing. But balloons were popping all during the trip of their honeymoon. They said they enjoyed the trick.
|Another on that I have seen pulled is to have someone speak out at the time the minister asks, “If anyone has good reason why these two should not be married, speak now or forever hold your peace.”They had a pregnant lady stand up and say, “Oh, never mind! I’ll just call my lawyer!” It rattled the groom’s mother so much that she fainted
|Hubby - You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why? Wife - When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears. Hubby - You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you? Wife - Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, “What other problem can there be greater than this one?”
Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single. One day he decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, “My dear guests . . . I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge alive!”
As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large splash!! There was one guy in the pool swimming with all he could and screaming out of fear. The crowd cheered him on as he kept stroking as though he was running for his life. Finally, he made it to the other side with only a torn shirt and some minor injuries. The millionaire was impressed.
He said, “My boy that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn’t think it could be done! Well I must keep my end of the bargain. Do you want my daughter or the one million dollars?”
The guy says, “Listen, I don’t want your money, nor do I want your daughter! I want the person who pushed me in that water!”
At a friend’s wedding, everything went smoothly until it was time for the flower girl and her young escort to come down the aisle.
The boy stopped at every pew, growling at the guests. When asked afterward why he behaved so badly, he explained, “I was just trying to be a good ring bear.”