Once upon a time there was a women that was about to have triplets.
In her stomach the babies were talking to each other.
The first baby says “I want to be a plumber, because there is so much water in here”.
The second baby says “I want to be an electrician because it is so dark in here”.
And the last baby says “I want to be a hunter, because if that damn snake comes back in here i’m going to cut it off”.
A mother and father took their 6 year old son to a nude beach. As the boy walked along the beach, he noticed that some of the ladies had boobs bigger than his mother’s, and asked her why.
She told her son, “The bigger they are the dumber the person is.”
The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger willies than his dad. His mother replied, “The bigger they are the dumber the person is.”
Again satisfied with this answer, the boy returns to the ocean to play.
Shortly after, the boy returned again. He promptly tells his mother, “Daddy is talking to the dumbest girl on the beach and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets.”
A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is an American.
She asks her students to raise their hands if they were American too.
Not really knowing why but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like flashy fireworks.
There is, however, one exception. A girl named Kristen has not gone along with the crowd.
The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.
“Because I am not an American.”
“Then”, asks the teacher, “What are you?”
“I’m a proud Canadian,” boasts the little girl.
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Kristen why she is a Canadian.
“Well, my mom and dad are Canadians, so I’m a Canadian too.”
The teacher is now angry. “That’s no reason,” she says loudly. “What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?”
A pause, and a smile. “Then,” says Kristen, “I’d be an American.”
A wizard joke
If a wizard was knocked out by Dracula in a fight what would he be?
Out for the count!
A wizard joke
What kinds of wizards have their eyes closest together?
The smallest ones!
A wizard joke
Why do wizards clean their teeth three times a day?
To prevent bat breath!
A wizard joke
What happened to the wizard who ran away with the circus?
The police made him bring it back again!
A witch joke
Why do witches only ride their brooms after dark?
That’s the time to go to sweep!
A wizard joke
What happened when the wizard met the witch?
It was love at first fright!
A witch joke
When is it unlucky to see a black cat?
When your a mouse!
A wizard joke
How do you keep a wizard in suspense?
I’ll tell you tomorrow…!
A witch joke
Who went into a witche’s den and came out alive?
The witch!
A witch joke
What is a witches favourite magazine?
The witch report!
A witch joke
What did the young witch say to her mother?
Can I have the keys to the broom tonight!
A witch joke
What’s the best advice you can give to a witch on a broomstick?
Don’t fly off the handle!
A witch joke
Who turns the lights off at halloween?
The light’s witch!
A witch joke
Whats the difference between a broomstick and a pumpkin?
Ever tried broomstick pie?
!
A wizard joke
What do you call a wizard from outer space?
A flying sorcerer!
A witch joke
What is evil, ugly and keep the neighbours awake?
A witch with a drum kit!
A witch joke
What goes cackle, cackle, squelch, squelch?
A witch in soggy shoes!
A witch joke
What do you call a witch that flies in Concorde?
Lucky!
A witch joke
What do you call two witches who share a broom sticks?
Broom mates!
A witch joke
What does a witch turn when the lights go out?
The dark!
A witch joke
What do witches use pencil sharpeners for?
To keep their hats pointed!
A witch joke
What is evil and ugly, puts spells on people and is made of leaves?
A witch (The leaves were just a plant)!
A witch joke
Why won’t a witch wear a flat caps?
Because there is no point in it!
A witch joke
What is black, old & ugly and has four wheels?
A witch on a skateboard!
A witch joke
What happens to witches when it rains?
They get wet!
A witch joke
Why is the air so clean and healthy on Halloween?
Because there are so many witches sweeping the sky!
A witch joke
What do you call an old hag who lives by the sea?
A sandwitch!
A witch joke
What do you call a witch by the side of the road with her thumb out?
A witchhiker!
A witch joke
What’s a witches favorite flower?
A triffid!
A witch joke
What kind of tests do they give in witch school?
Hex-aminations!
A witch joke
What do you call a witch that stays out all night?
A fresh air freak!
A witch joke
What do you get if you cross an owl with a witch?
A bird that’s ugly but doesn’t give a hoot!
A witch joke
What goes cackle, cackle, boom?
A witch in a minefield!
A witch joke
What is the difference between a musician and a dead witch?
One composes and the other decomposes!
A witch joke
Why did the witch go to the psychiatrist?
Because she thought everybody loved her!
A witch joke
What usually runs in witches’ families?
Noses!
A witch joke
What is the witches motto?
We came, we saw, we conjured!
A witch joke
What do you call a nervous witch?
A twitch!
A witch joke
How do witches on broomsticks drink their tea?
Out of flying saucers!
A witch joke
What do you call a witches motor bike?
A baaaarrrroooooooommmm stick!
A witch joke
How can you tell if a witch has a glass eye?
When it comes out in conversation!
A witch joke
What happens to a witch when she loses her temper when riding her broom?
She flies off the handle!
A witch joke
What happened when the old witch went to see a funny film?
The manager told her to cut the cackle!
A witch joke
What do you get if you cross a witches cat with Father Christmas?
Santa Claws!
A witch joke
What do you call it when a witches cat falls off a broomstick?
A catastrophe!
A witch joke
Why are black cats such good singers?
They’re very mewsical!
A wizard joke
Who did the wizard marry?
His ghoul-friend!
A wizard joke
Why did the wizard where red, white and blue braces?
To keep his trousers up!
A witch joke
Why is a witches face like a million dollars?
It’s all green and wrinkly!
A witch joke
How do you make a witch itch?
Take away the “w”!
admin
11 Apr, 2007