“Listen, God is everywhere, trust me, he is absolutely everywhere,” the wise old Sicilian priest told little Gianluca, who thought about this for a moment, before grabbing a half-opened matchbox lying on the table, quickly snapped it shut and declared triumphantly: “Got him!!!”
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11 Oct, 2005
Oct
11
Sophie just got married, and being a traditional Italian was still a virgin. On her wedding night, staying at her mother’s house, she was nervous. But mother reassured her.
“Don’t worry, Sophie. Luca’s a good man. Go upstairs, and he’ll take care of you.”
So up she went. When she got upstairs, Luca took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Sophie ran downstairs to her mother and says, “Mama, Mama, Luca’s got a big hairy chest.”
“Don’t worry, Sophie”, says the mother, “All good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He’ll take good care of you.”
So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Luca took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again Sophie ran downstairs to her mother. “Mama, Mama, Luca took off his pants, and he’s got hairy legs!”
“Don’t worry. All good men have hairy legs. Luca’s a good man. Go upstairs, and he’ll take good care of you.”
So, up she went again. When she got up there, Luca took off his socks, and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Sophie saw this, she ran downstairs.
“Mama, Mama, Luca’s got a foot and a half!”
“Stay here and stir the pasta”, says the mother. “This is a job for Mama!”
Oct
11
A Italian businessman on his deathbed called his good friend and said, “Luigi, I want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated.”
“And what,” his friend asked, “do you want me to do with your ashes?”
The businessman said, “Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the IRS…and write on the envelope, ’Now you have everything.’”
Oct
11
Did you hear about the 21 year old Italian girl who knelt in front of the statue of Madonna?
She said: “You who conceived without sin, let me sin without conceiving!”
Oct
11
Q. What did the barber say to the Italian kid?
A. Do you want your hair cut or should I just change the oil?
Q: What do you call an Italian with an IQ of 170?
A: Sicily.
Q. How does an Italian get into an honest business?
A. Usually through the skylight.
Oct
11
Oct
11
A young priest was tempted by sins of the Flesh and astonishingly went to a call girl.
Being unable to hold his emotions, he screams out:
“My Daughter, the Lord is with us…”
“Well, in that case, you’re paying double…”
Oct
11
Q. What’s an innuendo?
A. An Italian suppository.
Oct
11
I now know why so many italian men are named Tony. As they were loaded into the boats heading for the americas, their destinations were written on their foreheads with marker. Most hit the eastern american ports with the following:
TO N.Y.
Oct
11
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.
The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
“Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time.”
“You foul-mouthed swine, ” retorted the lady indignantly. “In this country we don’t talk about our sex lives in public!”
“Hey, coola down lady,” said the man.
“Who talkin’ abouta sexa? I’m a justa tellin’ my frienda how to spella Mississippi.”
Oct
11