Bar Jokes, Clean Funny Jokes
A man walks into a bar with a monkey he had just bought at the pet store. He sits down at the bar and orders a beer.
The monkey jumps down off his shoulder and runs over to the pool table and ate the cue-ball.
The bartender says “Your monkey just ate the cue-ball!!! GET OUT NOW!!” so the man picks up the monkey and leaves.
Two months later the same man comes back with the monkey on a leash.
The monkey jumps off his shoulder and grabs a peanut, shoves it up his ass, pulls it out then eats it.
The bartender says ” Did your monkey just shove a peanut up his ass then eat it?”
The man says “Yeah ever since the cue-ball incident he checks everything for size.”
A man walks into a bar and orders a pint of beer. He looks around, admiring the room and he soon notices that there are big lumps of meat hanging on the ceiling. He then says to the bartender, “Why have you got all this meat hanging around?”.
The barman says, ‘It’s a little bet that we are running. If you can jump up and grab a bit of meat in your mouth then you can have all of your drinks bought for you. If you fail then you have to buy everyone else in the bar their drinks for them. Are you going to have a try at it”. The man shakes his head and says to the bartender, “No, the stakes are to high.” (stakes/steaks)
A blond guy with two badly burned ears went to the emergency room for medical treatment. “What happened?” asked the doctor.
“Well, my wife was ironing while I was watching the ballgame on TV,” began the man. “She put the hot iron near the telephone, and when the phone rang, I answered the iron.”
The doctor nodded. “But what happened to the other ear?”
“Well, no sooner had I hung up,” said the blond man, “when the same guy called back again.”