On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it.

Screaming, she stands up in front of the plane. “I’m too young to die!” she wails. “Well, if I’m going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I’ve had plenty of sex in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well I’ve had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN??”

For a moment, there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.

Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. “I can make you feel like a woman,” he says. He’s gorgeous. Tall, built, with long, flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. No one moves.

The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the stranger approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers:

“Iron this.”

sahilAviation Jokes21 Aug, 2007No Comments

A fiberglass port-a-potty at Oshkosh with the message “I could have been a Glassair!” written on it?

“I would like to die in my sleep like my father did, not in screaming terror, like his passengers.”

If God had meant man to fly, He would have given him more money or airplane tickets.

“Gravity always wins!”

You know you´re flying a Cessna when you have a bird strike and it is from behind!

747 on final approach at 1000′ off the deck. First Officer asks Captain “Are you happy with the position of the landing gear, sir?” Captain reaches down, lowers the gear and lands safely.

Lost Cessna Pilot: “Big airport with a little Cessna 150 overhead, please identify yourself!”

A Landing is just controlled mid-air collision with a planet.

“I hate to wake up and find my co-pilot asleep”

sahilAviation Jokes20 Aug, 2007No Comments

Guilt Feeling bad about your genes, but not about your actions

Women and men The forces of good and evil in the dualism of gender (see gender)

Diversity The gathering together of as large a group as possible of discontents, deviants and social misfits while excluding, suppressing and bashing conservatives, Republicans, evangelicals, adherents of historical religions, serious students and anyone resistant to indoctrination

Sensitivity Being deferential toward and extraordinarily circumspect around those included in diversity while gratuitously attacking those excluded from diversity (see diversity)

Greater diversity Doing a better job of weeding out those excluded from diversity (see diversity)

Being exclusive Providing equal opportunity and equal protection under the law, regardless of race or sex

Hermeneutics/Deconstructionism Interpreting texts from the perspective of gender (see gender) with a rationalization by anyone with a French name

Victims All those not fitting the definition of oppressor (see oppressors) and officially recognized far-left groups; does not include refugees from leftist totalitarian countries, such as Vietnamese boat people, Cuban immigrants, etc.

Sexism The discrimination against and stereotyping of women or the failure to discriminate against and stereotype men

Gender Radical feminism

Oppressors White male heterosexuals

Leftists The empty set; exist only in the rhetoric of ultra-conservatives (see ultra-conservatives)

Bias Basing scholarship on reason and evidence

Patriarchal models Objectivity, logic, rational discourse, mathematics, science, the Bible, the U.S. Constitution, family values, motherhood and apple pie

Politically aware Politically far-left

Being divisive Deviating from the beliefs of the politically aware (see politically aware); synonymous with being hostile

Liberal arts education Political indoctrination

Racism The belief held by white oppressors (see oppressors) that their race is superior to that of non-white victims (see Victims) or the failure to apologize for one’s own race if that race should be white; term is not applicable to non-whites

Moderates The Sandinistas, Castro, Lenin, Mao, Hillary Clinton and all those who are politically aware (see politically aware)

Ultra-conservatives/the far right All those to the right of moderates (see moderates)

Inclusive language An ostentatious form of new speak which seeks to remove the generic use of ‘man’ and ‘he’ (along with common sense and eloquence) from the language, e.g. “What are persons, that thou art mindful of her/him? and the child of persons, that thou doest care for him/her?”

Censorship A good thing when done by politically aware (see poltically unaware), e.g. punishing owners of baseball teams for alleged comments made during private conversations; a bad thing when done by ultra-conservatives (see ultra-conservatives).

Iconoclasm 1. An activity self-righteously pursued by the politically aware; 2. an activity considered criminal when the icons of the politically aware are involved (see politically aware)

Iconoclast One who can dish it out but can’t take it

sahilAviation Jokes19 Aug, 2007No Comments

All of these pilot and aviation jokes get me to thinking about my first skydiving instructor. During class he would always take the time to answer any of our stupid first-timer questions.

One guy asked, “If our chute doesn’t open, and the reserve doesn’t open, how long do we have until we hit the ground?”

Our jump master looked at him and in perfect deadpan and answered, “The rest of your life.”

sahilAviation Jokes18 Aug, 2007No Comments

Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate.

After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.

A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, “What was the problem?”

“The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine,” explained the Flight Attendant, “and it took us a while to find a new pilot.”

sahilAviation Jokes17 Aug, 2007No Comments

You’ll Know It’s a No-Frills Airline If:

They don’t sell tickets, they sell chances.

All the insurance machines in the terminal are sold out.

Before the flight, the passengers get together and elect a pilot.

If you kiss the wing for luck before boarding, it kisses you back.

You cannot board the plane unless you have the exact change.

Before you took off, the stewardess tells you to fasten your Velcro.

The Captain asks all the passengers to chip in a little for gas.

When they pull the steps away, the plane starts rocking.

The Captain yells at the ground crew to get the cows off the runway.

You ask the Captain how often their planes crash and he sez, “Just once.”

No movie. Don’t need one.

Your life keeps flashing before your eyes.

You see a man with a gun, but he’s demanding to be let off the plane.

All the planes have both a bathroom and a chapel.

sahilAviation Jokes16 Aug, 2007No Comments

The most dangerous organization in America today is:

a) The KKK

b) The American Nazi Party

c) The Delta Frequent Flyer Club

sahilAviation Jokes15 Aug, 2007No Comments

Aunt Bessie loved to visit her nieces and nephews. However, she had relatives all over the country.

The problem was that no matter how much she enjoyed seeing them, she hated flying. No matter how safe people told her it was, she was always worried that someone would have a bomb on the plane.

She read books about how safe it was and listened to the stewardess demonstrate all the safety features. But she still worried herself silly every time a visit was coming up.

Finally, the family decided that maybe if she saw the statistics she’d be convinced. So they sent her to a friend of the family who was an actuary.

“Tell me,” she said suspiciously, “what are the chances that someone will have a bomb on a plane?”

The actuary looked through his tables and said, “A very small chance. Maybe one in five hundred thousand.”

She nodded, then thought for a moment. “So what are the odds of two people having a bomb on the same plane?”

Again he went through his tables.

“Extremely remote,” he said. “About one in a billion.”

Aunt Bessie nodded and left his office.

And from that day on, every time she flew, she took a bomb with her.

sahilAviation Jokes14 Aug, 2007No Comments

Aunt Bessie loved to visit her nieces and nephews. However, she had relatives all over the country.

The problem was that no matter how much she enjoyed seeing them, she hated flying. No matter how safe people told her it was, she was always worried that someone would have a bomb on the plane.

She read books about how safe it was and listened to the stewardess demonstrate all the safety features. But she still worried herself silly every time a visit was coming up.

Finally, the family decided that maybe if she saw the statistics she’d be convinced. So they sent her to a friend of the family who was an actuary.

“Tell me,” she said suspiciously, “what are the chances that someone will have a bomb on a plane?”

The actuary looked through his tables and said, “A very small chance. Maybe one in five hundred thousand.”

She nodded, then thought for a moment. “So what are the odds of two people having a bomb on the same plane?”

Again he went through his tables.

“Extremely remote,” he said. “About one in a billion.”

Aunt Bessie nodded and left his office.

And from that day on, every time she flew, she took a bomb with her.

sahilAviation Jokes9 Aug, 2007No Comments

Santa Claus, like all pilots, gets regular visits from the Federal Aviation Administration, and the FAA examiner arrived last week for the pre-Christmas flight check. In preparation, Santa had the elves wash the sled and bathe all the reindeer. Santa got his log book out and made sure all his paperwork was in order. He knew they would examine all his equipment and truly put Santa’s flying skills to the test. The examiner walked slowly around the sled. He checked the reindeer harnesses, the landing gear, and even Rudolph’s nose. He painstakingly reviewed Santa’s weight and balance calculations for sled’s enormous payload. Finally, they were ready for the check ride. Santa got in and fastened his seat belt and shoulder harness and checked the compass. Then the examiner hopped in carrying, to Santa’s surprise, a shotgun. “What’s that for?!?” asked Santa incredulously. The examiner winked and said, “I’m not supposed to tell you this ahead of time,” as he leaned over to whisper in Santa’s ear, “but you’re gonna lose an engine on takeoff.”

sahilAviation Jokes30 Jul, 2007No Comments