Aviation Jokes, Clean Funny Jokes
On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it.
Screaming, she stands up in front of the plane. “I’m too young to die!” she wails. “Well, if I’m going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I’ve had plenty of sex in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well I’ve had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN??”
For a moment, there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.
Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. “I can make you feel like a woman,” he says. He’s gorgeous. Tall, built, with long, flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. No one moves.
The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the stranger approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers:
“Iron this.”
A fiberglass port-a-potty at Oshkosh with the message “I could have been a Glassair!” written on it?
“I would like to die in my sleep like my father did, not in screaming terror, like his passengers.”
If God had meant man to fly, He would have given him more money or airplane tickets.
“Gravity always wins!”
You know you´re flying a Cessna when you have a bird strike and it is from behind!
747 on final approach at 1000′ off the deck. First Officer asks Captain “Are you happy with the position of the landing gear, sir?” Captain reaches down, lowers the gear and lands safely.
Lost Cessna Pilot: “Big airport with a little Cessna 150 overhead, please identify yourself!”
A Landing is just controlled mid-air collision with a planet.
“I hate to wake up and find my co-pilot asleep”
A guide to academic newspeakby a student at Harvard Divinity School
Added by sahil in Aviation Jokes
Guilt Feeling bad about your genes, but not about your actions
Women and men The forces of good and evil in the dualism of gender (see gender)
Diversity The gathering together of as large a group as possible of discontents, deviants and social misfits while excluding, suppressing and bashing conservatives, Republicans, evangelicals, adherents of historical religions, serious students and anyone resistant to indoctrination
Sensitivity Being deferential toward and extraordinarily circumspect around those included in diversity while gratuitously attacking those excluded from diversity (see diversity)
Greater diversity Doing a better job of weeding out those excluded from diversity (see diversity)
Being exclusive Providing equal opportunity and equal protection under the law, regardless of race or sex
Hermeneutics/Deconstructionism Interpreting texts from the perspective of gender (see gender) with a rationalization by anyone with a French name
Victims All those not fitting the definition of oppressor (see oppressors) and officially recognized far-left groups; does not include refugees from leftist totalitarian countries, such as Vietnamese boat people, Cuban immigrants, etc.
Sexism The discrimination against and stereotyping of women or the failure to discriminate against and stereotype men
Gender Radical feminism
Oppressors White male heterosexuals
Leftists The empty set; exist only in the rhetoric of ultra-conservatives (see ultra-conservatives)
Bias Basing scholarship on reason and evidence
Patriarchal models Objectivity, logic, rational discourse, mathematics, science, the Bible, the U.S. Constitution, family values, motherhood and apple pie
Politically aware Politically far-left
Being divisive Deviating from the beliefs of the politically aware (see politically aware); synonymous with being hostile
Liberal arts education Political indoctrination
Racism The belief held by white oppressors (see oppressors) that their race is superior to that of non-white victims (see Victims) or the failure to apologize for one’s own race if that race should be white; term is not applicable to non-whites
Moderates The Sandinistas, Castro, Lenin, Mao, Hillary Clinton and all those who are politically aware (see politically aware)
Ultra-conservatives/the far right All those to the right of moderates (see moderates)
Inclusive language An ostentatious form of new speak which seeks to remove the generic use of ‘man’ and ‘he’ (along with common sense and eloquence) from the language, e.g. “What are persons, that thou art mindful of her/him? and the child of persons, that thou doest care for him/her?”
Censorship A good thing when done by politically aware (see poltically unaware), e.g. punishing owners of baseball teams for alleged comments made during private conversations; a bad thing when done by ultra-conservatives (see ultra-conservatives).
Iconoclasm 1. An activity self-righteously pursued by the politically aware; 2. an activity considered criminal when the icons of the politically aware are involved (see politically aware)
Iconoclast One who can dish it out but can’t take it