A guy walks into a bar with a monkey on his shoulder, sets down at the bar and orders a drink. The bartender brings him his beer and notices the monkey has jumped down from the man’s shoulder and is running down the bar.

He stops at a bowl of mixed nuts and grabs a hand full and chucks them in his mouth, runs down the bar a bit farther and grabs some pretzels and chucks those in his mouth.

He then hops behind the bar and fishes out a pickled eggs from a jar and and proceeds to eat that then finds a jar of olives and grabs some of those..

The bartender says, “don’t you feed him?”. The guy replies, “he is always hungry, he’ll eat anything.”

The bar tender watches as the monkey grabs a hand full of beef jerky and crams them in his mouth, hops off the bar and runs over to the pool table where he jumps up on it and then eats the 8 ball.

The bar tender says to the guy “hey your monkey just at the 8 ball off the pool table”. The guys just shakes his head, drops $20 on the bar for the cost of all the stuff the monkey ate, goes over and gets the monkey and leaves.

A week later the same man returns, sets down at the bar and orders a beer. Once again the bartend brings the man his drink and the monkey jumps down and runs up to a bowl of peanuts. This time however he takes one nut and sticks it in his ass, pulls it out and eats it. He then runs down to the jar of olives, takes one out, sticks it in his ass and then eats it.

The bartender says to the man, “your monkey just stuck a peanut up his ass and ate it, then went to the olives, took one out, stuck it in his ass and ate it.”

The man replies,” yea, he ate that 8 ball last week and tried to shit it out, now he measures everything before he eats it.

Funny Jokes:

1. Bar… monkey
2. Monkey and a billiard ball
3. The Monkey
4. Musician and the Monkey
5. measure it first
6. measure it first
7. The Talking Monkey
8. Your monkey just pissed In my beer
9. Stoned monkey
10. Mashed Up Monkey Business !!
11. Hit the Monkey
12. Lizard and the monkey
13. There is a monkey in the bar
14. There is a monkey in the bar
15. 2 shots

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